People Pleasing

It’s difficult to say no sometimes or even say no without feeling guilty. I know I’ve found it hard to not shift that guilty feeling and then overthinking it. Trying to please others all the time is something that I felt had become too much. When I was younger I was always saying yes to going to things with friends as I was getting to know them and a lot of the time I would feel so anxious about it.

I have learnt to say no to people when I really don’t feel comfortable or I’m simply too tired or it becomes too complicated. It’s okay to say no. It’s saying no without feeling so bad about it. Sometimes we really do need to have a think and get back to them, other times things just are not right for our schedule. Whatever the reason, I have learnt to set my priorities right.

Stepping outside of our comfort zone I feel is important from time to time. It means we are experiencing and learning. If something really doesn’t feel right, however, it’s best to say no. We all like to please people as it makes us and them feel good. I think there comes a point where if you’re always trying to please people that you’re left feeling empty in yourself.

Because I used to care so much about what others thought I wanted to make sure I was agreeable to everything. Now, I don’t want to cause conflict but I certainly won’t agree with something just to please someone. Instead, I see their point of view without taking sides with it. As humans we want to be liked and to make things easy so it is difficult to say no to things sometimes. This is life. For me it was the feeling of missing out or caring too much about what they thought. What helped me was putting my mental health first. Sometimes you just have to say yes or step outside of your comfort zone but you don’t have to do this all of the time if it is not serving you.

Sometimes I had gone out of my way to make sure that I could meet up with someone or ensure I was getting the attention from them. I now realise how much of my energy it sucked from me. I was giving much more than they were giving me. Even when we hadn’t messaged in a while I was very polite and messaged to see how they were doing. I did not receive a reply. This was another wake up call. There is no use in trying so hard to please someone who will not give you the time. Perhaps they have a good reason. Either way, it can end up hurting you.

Pleasing people all the time shouldn’t be your life goal. I understand that we are all different and we all want to have people in our lives who care. I think the important thing is recognising when to say yes and when to say no.

It’s okay to want to please people but not if you’re putting all your energy into it.