Understanding

Throughout my blog posts I’ve written about being more positive about yourself and focusing on your life more rather than worrying so much about others. In order to do this we must better understand ourselves; what we value and what we like to put our energy towards. Whilst this is important we must also try and understand others even if we cannot at least we tried our best.

Really Listen

When someone has been talking I have often done the guilty thing of only focusing on what I want to say even if it’s not related to what they were saying. Sometimes we do this because we feel we have to tell them what has been stuck in our minds otherwise we feel anxious about never having said it. For me I had to tell people about my experiences rather than properly listening to theirs and this was to do with my insecurities; worrying about what others think. I think we all do this but once we focus on the present and really take in what they are saying we feel better for it. We feel more in tune with them and we may even have more to contribute.  It is important to try and gain an understanding of what they are saying instead of interrupting and jumping to what you want to say. I have also done this so I do not feel left out. 

Think of their Feelings

Sometimes, when I have had an argument with a loved one I’ve been so wrapped up in how I feel that I have not really taken into account how they feel. It is only after I have had time to calm down that I have felt guilty. It is not easy to think about the other persons feelings when we are angry or upset because our own feelings are extreme. We can say things we don’t mean and then later regret and apologise.  I have found that taking a moment to breath on my own for a moment can help. I also say “stop!” In my head to try and stop myself saying something I will regret. It’s also good to be in tune with our feelings so we can also understand how they might be feeling. If you are feeling angry, ask yourself if they are too. Ask yourself why might they be feeling this way. It’s not an easy task but it may help feel calmer quicker if you have more understanding.

Help if You Can

Even though I am more open than I used to be I am still a bit of an introvert.  (By the way, this is not a bad thing). I still find it hard to tell people how I feel if I’m upset. Sometimes it’s easier if others come to me but we are not mind readers. Sometimes I have seen that a loved one is sad and I have left them to it because it seemed like they didn’t want to talk. I later found out that they were upset I did not try.  It’s not always easy to go to someone who is seemingly not wanting attention but if you know the person, it is usually welcomed to acknowledge their feelings. If they do not want any help then at least you tried and they will appreciate it once they feel better. They may even feel they can talk to you about it at a better time.

Be Kind to Yourself and Others

The most important message to take away from this is to remember to be kind to yourself and to others. If we are kind to ourselves then we are more likely to be more understanding of others feelings. If you do not like someone then, instead you can be civil. Being nasty to that person will only lead to more bad feelings. Remember to really listen when a friend is talking to you and if someone explains how they feel, acknowledge what they might be going through. Even if we cannot help some, at least we are there and have tried our best. Be kind to you and be kind to others.